Circle of Life Coaching: The Inner Circle

The Art of Allowing

2010-12-14T20:45:00.001-08:00

I love to allow others to make the prayer for me...

The Story of Ruth

2010-12-07T21:02:00.000-08:00

While I was waiting in the front entrance of the nursing home for my elderly friend, the empty living room on my right attracted my attention for some reason. I had about five minutes or so before my friend would be ready and I moved toward the room to get a better look. As I entered I saw a small, frail woman sitting in a wheelchair in the corner of the room, hidden from view.

It was “Her.” It was the one that my friend talked about, the one who is 106 years old. I had, in fact, heard of her before and knew that she had been a celebrated landscape photographer when she was a much younger woman. In her 80s she made portraits of children. I was excited to meet her. I wanted to know her name.

I knelt down in front of her as she took my right hand in hers. I had been told that she does not talk anymore because she is “out of it”. Many of the people living in this home were seemingly separated from the reality of the present moment. So I didn’t question it.

She held my hand tightly as we stared into each other’s eyes. Hers were blue as are mine. What else might we have in common? I was mesmerized by her eyes. They were ancient and red-rimmed. I imagined that I could see her soul shining through her eyes. I was certain she could see mine.

But it was her hands that held my soul in awe. The veins in her hands were prominent. Her fingers seemed to be literally skin and bones, yet the strength in her grip was real, very old and very real. As we continued to stare into each other’s eyes, a strong curiosity about her life journeyed through my mind:

What had these hands done since they were the hands of an infant in 1904? Did that tiny hand clutch her mother’s pinky finger as her mother sang a lullaby? Did she suck her fist or her thumb for comfort? Did she rub her eyes with her hands when she was tired?

How old was she when she first reached out and away from herself in exploration? How old was she when she mastered feeding herself with her fingers? Was she right handed or left handed?

When she was a child did she use her hands to play with dolls or balls? Did she like to dig for worms? Or color? How did she hold her pencil and what did her early handwriting look like? When did she learn to write her name? What was her grown-up handwriting like? Did she like to write letters to far away friends and relatives?

Did she ever learn to play the piano? Did she like to lick her fingers when they were sticky with cake batter? Did she bite her nails or pick her nose? Did the back of her hand ever get slapped because she was naughty? Did the back of her hand ever get kissed by her father after he told her he loved her?

Did she feed and water the animals or sew quilts? Or both? Did these hands ever pick pole beans for supper or arrange flowers cut from the garden she lovingly tended all summer? Or did she collect wild flowers and butterflies and carefully pin them to a board with the genus and species printed below, by her own hand?

Did she work in the fields or in a factory or did she go to school holding book after book in her eager hands? She was only 14 during World War I. How did she use her hands when she was 14?

Women in this country won the right to vote in August 1920. She was 16 in 1920. Did she hold signs in her hands that demanded a woman’s right to vote? Had she ever voted? Where would she put her mark if she could vote today?

How old was she the first time she made love with an adoring partner and how did she caress that lover with her hands? Had she ever been married? Was she gentle with her children or was she impatient and harsh? Could she tell they had a fever by touching their bellies? Did she stroke their hair or rub their backs with a generous touch when they were upset? Or was she hesitant to touch them for some reason? Did she work outside of her home with her hands as well as tend a family? Maybe she has never held a baby in her hands.

Perhaps she preferred to stay celibate and unmarried; a “spinster” because she had ambitions beyond her time; because she loved photography too much to stay home. Was she content to live alone? She was called to the beauty and the power of the ocean. What was the subject of her very first photograph?

How did she use her hands to focus the lens on her camera to capture that image she saw as magnificent? Did she skillfully develop the film in the darkroom of her studio . . . with her own two hands?

Was she a great homemaker or did she have more important things to do with her hands? How many pies had she made with these hands? How many loaves of bread had she kneaded on the kitchen counter with care? Did she put up peaches and pickles and tomatoes for later?

Would she scrub her kitchen floor on her hands and knees or would it not ever occur to her to do such a thing? Did she ever have a cat sit on her lap so she could stroke soft fur with her weary hands on a cold wintry night? How did her hands get so strong?

She was in her late 30s during World War II. Was she in the war or did she stay home and crochet bandages for the wounded soldiers like her grandmother used to do? Maybe she worked in a factory and was a riveter mastering powerful tools with her hands.

How did she use her hands to sooth her worry or stress? Would she rub her forehead or twirl her thumbs? Did her hands ache with arthritis when the weather changed? How did she make the pain go away? How did she put on lotion?

I know that Ruth liked to hold hands, because her grip on me stayed true. I continued to wonder:

Did she clap her hands when she was happy or surprised? Did she cover her mouth when she sneezed? Had she ever had her palm read by a psychic? Did anything from that reading come to pass?

Would she shake her finger at her apprentices when they made a mistake? Did she ever point a finger at something she thought was special? Had she ever given anyone “the finger” in frustration or anger?

Did she still like to eat certain foods with her fingers, like when she was a baby just learning to grasp? I like to eat lettuce with my fingers. Did she ever like to do that too?

Did she ever wear rings . . . or nail polish?

How about lip stick or face powder; did she put these things on, using her hands to make herself feel pretty? How did she brush her hair? Did she ever hold a cigarette? Or smoke a pipe by cradling the pipe in the palm of her hand?

How did she hold her hands when she received a gift?

How did she hold her hands when she prayed?

As we continued to stare into each other’s eyes I asked her name.
She readily answered me saying, “Ruth. My name is Ruth.” For some reason I was not surprised she could be so present with me. I said, “I know that you used to take beautiful photographs.” She stared at me. “I did. I did do that.” Ruth knew she had done that. It was a statement she just made, not a question in her mind. “I did that” she said clearly. Suddenly she raised the back of my right hand to her lips and kissed it deliberately closing her eyes for just a moment.

Then she seemed to fade back into the place in her mind she had been dwelling before our five minutes together. “Thank you Ruth,” I said quietly knowing she may not be able to hear me. I will welcome the day I will look into another’s eyes and proudly say “I did that.” At that moment a nurse came and wheeled Ruth away to continue on with the day. Her life here in this place appeared to be so mundane. Mine will never be the same again.

How to Survive as an Introvert in Today’s Information Overload: Online, at Home and Everywhere Else

2010-04-04T10:39:00.001-07:00

How can an introvert survive in today’s fast paced, ever changing, dynamic, information dense, ultra-stimulating, media saturated environment?

Here is a clue: It is not necessary to acquiesce to the dominant extroverted way of doing things. The Artful Pause, as I call it, is as critical to our happiness and social survival to develop as twittering, face-booking and being linked-in is to our business success.

The Artful Pause involves 8 simple steps.
1. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe
Practice forgiveness for yourself and others.
Release them to their life as you embrace your own
3. See the humor in life and Laugh out loud
4. Appreciate Beauty. It is all around you.
5. Nurture solitude. Enter into silence without apology
6. Know what you know. Acknowledge yourself for being willing to not know. This is wisdom
7. Give and receive Love.
Be out in Nature whenever you can. Nature softens us and reminds us to keep things in proper perspective

When you engage the creativity inherent in these steps being an introvert in an extrovert-dominated world becomes a delight rather than a fright.

Hi, my name is Martha and I am an introvert.
Contrary to what you may think, I am not shy (even though I have called myself shy for lack of a better description of my inner reality). As I understand it, shyness emanates from social anxiety or nervousness when one is the focus of attention. Not my problem. Growing up in a family of seven children, I loved attention. I am not arrogant. Although my frequent silence may bewilder the extrovert and be misinterpreted as such. I am not selfish or self centered. I have fine social skills and am considered a leader in my world. I am a forward, creative and “outside of the box” thinker.

What makes me an introvert is that I need silence. I need to be by myself to recharge my interpersonal battery. My husband, an extrovert, and I have bounced this difference between us around for 30 years: “You need to be alone must mean you don’t want to be with me!” “No, it just means I need to be alone...big difference”. I have discovered over the years that being with people without pause drains me: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I need to remove myself and be alone to think without the stimulation of the extroverts style. This is not good or bad; right or wrong. It is just the way it is for me. I am completely comfortable being alone.

If you are at all like me you simply love thinking and following a thought into the outer atmosphere. Perhaps, like me, you can sit for hours watching a river as the ice goes out. You are content watching as a tree drops her leaves or as a robin builds her nest. You are actually intrigued and enchanted by such things. The conversations you love to have are about the mysteries of life, the humorous ways life tricks us into lightheartedness and the ways love finds a way to guide us towards joy and forgiveness. Chit-chat may bore you to distraction and turn your thoughts inward to more meaningful (to you) musings.

Here are the steps of the Artful Pause again:
1. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe
Practice forgiveness for yourself and others.
Release them to their life as you embrace your own
3. See the humor in life and Laugh out loud
4. Appreciate Beauty. It is all around you.
5. Nurture solitude. Enter into silence without apology
6. Know what you know. Acknowledge yourself for being willing to not know. This is wisdom
7. Give and receive Love.
Be out in Nature whenever you can. Nature softens us and reminds us to keep things in proper perspective

By following these steps you will embrace your introversion and develop joyful expression of your true nature. You will be relaxed, refreshed and renewed as you enter into personal and business relationships. You will appreciate your self and your unique style of relating. You will be less overwhelmed when in the presence of extroverts because you are more centered in your self.
To learn more about the Artful Pause go to www.CircleofLifeCoach.com

Martha Pleasure Mosaic

2010-02-22T19:07:00.000-08:00

Martha Pleasure Mosaic

Ocean Currents Can Keep You Stuck

2010-02-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

Go ahead, call me a woman in midlife if you have to, but I have been telling a lot of stories lately of “my life long ago”.

In fact there is a chapter about that very tendency in “How Not to Become a Little Old Lady”. Each of my kids has good naturedly given me that book on separate occasions...hmmmm) oh ya being distracted from the point of the story is in there too.
Ok where was I...

Here’s one of the more recent stories I’ve told.

I was on an Outward Bound course based on Hurricane Island. Hurricane Island sits in the magnificent Penobscot Bay off the coast of Maine. It was summer of 1976 and I was in a group of men and women that spent all 23 days cruising the coast of Maine. We were in a 26 foot long pulling boat (aka row boat). There were 2 instructors and 10 students.

One day we were told to get ourselves from “here to there”.
Aye Aye Captain! All hands on oars! By this point in our course we considered ourselves skilled master yachtsmen. We had been on the water about....5 days already!

All 10 of us students started pulling (aka rowing). And we pulled and we pulled and we pulled and we pulled. But we didn’t move an inch because we were going against an ocean current that was strong and determined as we were.

We stayed in one spot for literally hours and but did not realize it because our newly acquired navigational skills where not that finely tuned. We did notice that the same landmark was in the same place for a long time. There was no discernible progress; none; nada; zilch. Frustration, fatigue and fury were on an even keel with “how mean can two instructors be?”

Have you ever felt like you were hopelessly stuck in a fierce current of life that, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get out of it?

There are a few choices here: You can continue to struggle forever, but remember, “Resistance is futile”. You can continue to struggle until you give up. You can continue to struggle until you pass out. You can cry yourself to sleep.

Believe it or not, there are a few more choices here. The key to change in this situation is to stop fighting the current. You can drop off your charted course and sit it out in an eddy. You can wait for the tide to change so you are riding the current in the direction it is going. You are then effortlessly in the proverbial flow. What a concept. You can acknowledge your place in the universal scheme of things and co-operate, collaborate, enter into relationship with the powerful ocean and navigate the current with information, intelligence, patience and trust.

How? First decide to be different. Then get the support you need to change. Hiring a life coach is one great way to do that. A life coach will help you focus your dreams, goals and desires and design a way to get "from here to there". Begin your exploreation of life coaching at wwww.CircleofLifeCoach.com

Sisters! Wake up!

2010-01-01T16:19:00.000-08:00

Sisters! Wake up! written by Martha Pasternack upon awakening on a recent morning

Sisters! Wake up! Take a deep breath. Become aware. It’s time to come back into your body from wherever you have been while asleep. It’s time to wake up your body...mind...spirit...soul and dreams.

It’s time to get up! and stretch your spines and bones and muscles, your insight...your courage
Shake off the long cozy slumber of the night. Write down your dreams so you can remember them and share them with an elder.
By putting YOUR voice to YOUR dreams you might understand and be able to manifest your dreams.

Sisters! Wake up! It’s time to greet the sun with your song. It’s time to drink the pure water of life.

Sisters! Wake up! It’s time to get ready to go to work. You have over slept and it is time to relieve your sisters who have worked through the night caring for what we all care about. They are tired and need to rest.

Sisters! Wake up! It is your turn to go to work! It is your turn to be in nature; give and receive love; appreciate beauty; nurture solitude; practice forgiveness; laugh out loud; cry for a vision and cherish what you cherish.

Sisters! Wake up! The alarm has sounded and it’s time to wake up. We need you now. We are hungry. We are thirsty. We are tired. We are getting weary and we need your refreshed and rested energy.

Sisters! Wake up! Wash your eyes out with the pure water of life. Your hair looks great! Now, throw on some jeans and let’s get to work!

There is work to be done! It is time to...heal the beauty of this land, It is time to heal our own hearts. it is time to heal the water, the joy, the love. It’s ok. Do your best. The best you can do is ENOUGH if we all join together

Tease yourself into the safety of alert and joyful lightheartedness. It is time to us all to meet at the table and break our fast from courageous action, self expression and deep trust in each other. Come be with us. Celebrate this new day with your love, your dance, your song, your laughter and your prayer.

Sisters! Wake up! It's time to get up!

Befriending Grief in Midlife

2009-12-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

There are obvious fascinations attendant in midlife, such as becoming experts in our careers, surrendering to gravity, getting “new leases on life,” and becoming more comfortable (and yes, sometimes more uncomfortable) with ourselves in general. Another among these, midlife is a time we are typically immersed in and experience grief beyond imagination.

Our grandparents and parents naturally pass away when we are in midlife. Friends too close to our own age begin to die from natural causes rather than accidents and bizarre circumstances. Our children leave home and launch their own adult lives. Or perhaps our kids struggle with their adolescence and come dangerously close to self harm. Our physical youthfulness ages as we get emotionally, mentally and spiritually bolder: and things we held as important suddenly don’t seem that important anymore. We begin to search the horizon for a newer and brighter beacon of light to guide us into a safe harbor, only to find a longing to journey out into the open ocean again. Perhaps we are looking for the adventure we held back from earlier in our lives.

Our marriages, if they survived, are now called “long term marriages” and we are not the same people we were when we entered them. That may suit us well or not, depending on who it is we have grown to be as older adults. Maybe our marriages did not survive the chaos inherent in intimate relationships and we find ourselves alone when our dream was to be otherwise. For many of us the fact that dreams change or simply fade away was not in our awareness 20 years ago. In midlife we relax, and sometimes even release, our tenacious grasp on principles, values and desires. Letting go and releasing can be very challenging. Sometimes our long held dreams may seem like sand sifting through our fingers.

And the thing is, at least in my experience, the reasons I grieve seem to be piling up in midlife before I get “over it”. To me it feels like I sink below the surface and become submerged in grief after I get too tired to tread water. Just as I think I may pop above the surface, the next loss occurs and I slowly sink under again.

I remember the moment it felt like in order to survive I had to conjure the courage to inhale “water.” It happened after my father died. It occurred to me that grief may be part of midlife naturally and the “getting over it” part was over. Grief just may become a familiar and regular presence in my life now that I am in the middle of midlife. It occurred to me that living in a state of exuberance with a willingness to let go of the past while being a person who grieves is my task; that at the bottom of this deep well of grief is the love I seek. What do you think?

Lightening Strikes

2009-09-15T15:29:00.000-07:00

I wish I could have shown you the lightening storm we were blessed with late last night. It was stunning, awe-inspiring, humbling, magical…and musical. To the west the thunder rumbled on forever and echoed for longer than that. At the same time the sky directly above me was filled with bright stars that looked as if they were dancing to a ceremonial drum. I made wishes for Peace and Love and surprises.
After I pinched myself to make sure I was awake, I got my husband out of bed to see it. He got up willingly and without complaint. He was as amazed by the beauty and power of nature as I was. I was my awe-struck- little- girl- self in love with the mystery of the universe. I couldn't’t go back to sleep until the storm passed.

Know Your Enemies

2009-05-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

I often hear about our terrorist enemies even though I don’t get my news from the radio or television; occasionally I will read our local newspaper. Even so, it seems the fear of terrorism surrounds us and infiltrates our peace and solitude with threats to our wellbeing. I hear of extremists to the east, drug cartels to the south, nuclear weapons to the west and global warming to the north. These things may all truly exist. I am not disputing that.
I believe that we are distracted from the enemies that are a threat, not only to our ability to survive, but to our innate drive to thrive. By survive I mean secure food, shelter, and clothing. By thrive I mean create and appreciate beauty, give and receive love, laugh and find joy in ordinary living with fond memories of the past and crystal clear vision of a wholesome future.
In my mind the real enemies we face are cynicism, hatred, complacency, and intolerance, not the people in the Middle East trying to fight for what they believe in; nor the apparent earth changes that are a result of our greedy and selfish environmental choices; nor the way we disrespect the power of the natural elements causing us to build neighborhoods where they don’t belong, believing that we are mightier than the spring floods, the hurricane winds or the harnessed atomic energy of the sun.
In my view, the true threat to our security comes from neglected children, demolished health care, ineffective education, suffering mothers and fathers, drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, and spiritual starvation. Our ignored and dismissed elders hold our wisdom and we negate them as well. We are disconnected from the people we love and the land that sustains us and we find ourselves adrift on a stormy sea of hopelessness, fear and self hatred. Our financial markets reflect our faltering self esteem.
It is time to wake up and face the sun with gratitude and allow the renewal of our spirits and souls. We must rage against the dimming of the light. It is time to stand up and stand firmly in what we want and know as good.
We must begin with healing ourselves. We must learn to be kind to ourselves and others, appreciate beauty, give and receive love, forgive and not forget, nurture solitude, nourish wisdom, and connect with the natural world.
We must learn to relax our shoulders, our expectations, and our fears. We must be willing to be vulnerable physically, emotionally, and spiritually as a way to grow and deepen our love of self and others. We must celebrate life and witness its mystery.
If we are to thrive we must first ask ourselves some pointed questions. For example:

• What do I love?
• Why do I love it?
• What can I do as an act of kindness today?
• What is one thing I can do right now to change the way I withhold love from myself or others?
• How do I define beauty?
• How do I create beauty?
• How can I express beauty?
• What am I willing to do to honor what I know to be good?
• How can I be with the natural world today?

Health, peace, and love are the given. The gift of life is to choose them. Our enemies offer us an opportunity to create a space for peace, love, and healing to reside.
May these prevail on earth.

Floating Down the Stream of Consciousness.

2009-03-28T15:14:00.000-07:00

I love books. I love to own books. I love the look, smell and feel of books. I love to read and I really love to disappear into a book as I read it. I call it a “good book” when it captures my imagination and as I fall into the pages I am swept away like a leaf from the cottonwood tree falls into the river and is swept away on the current of the river I call life. I can feel it as I write this. I love being swept away by life.
I am passionate about witnessing the mystery of life and I am fascinated by the language we use to attempt to capture the essence of the experience we call life. Few authors can do that for me in a manner that enfolds me in my imagination. I love it when it happens. I aspire to perfecting that skill for myself.
My spiritual practice is to relax into the talent of connecting with the mystery of life and skillfully expressing myself from that place. There must be a Chinese symbol for what I am talking about, a Myers-Briggs type, an ennegram assigned to it, an astrological phenomena, a cultural behavior ingrained in me, a genetic code, a parental mistake, a sibling placement, a goddess archetype, a spirit guide, patron saint or an animal totem. There must be a way to explain why I am like this.
I am not sure why I want to write a book myself. There are plenty of them already out there. And now there are e books “on line”. Magazines are on line too. Newspapers are on line. I am on line, for Heaven’s sake. I can be googled, twittered, xinged and chatted up.
But you know there is a comfort I get from propping a good book up on my knees while I read. I especially like doing it during the day. And I absolutely love falling asleep that way. I love to fall asleep reading during the day. Now that I mention it, reading is my most powerful “sleep-aid” at night too. And when I awaken in the middle of the night, guess what I do…I read myself back to sleep.
But I do. I do want to write a book. There are a lot of things I want to do in fact. Some of them I have done once already and want to do again. I want to understand the theory of relativity and quantum mechanics. I want to build a row boat. I want to see a bear again. I want to find an eagle’s feather. I want to take a sleigh ride on a packed trail in deep snow in the mountains while I am covered with buffalo robes and blankets. I want to be a princess. I want to make a lot of money. I want to taste fine wine and eat at an exquisite restaurant. I want to sit on the ground and pray. I want to go to a Buddhist temple in Thailand. I want to understand the creative spark I felt when Rio was conceived.
I want to love myself. I realized today that if I continue to believe that the people I love will hurt me and betray me, (because that is my story and my experience) I will never allow myself to love myself because if I do betrayal and pain are inevitable. Isn’t it natural for me to also want to avoid pain to this magnitude at all cost? I want to release that belief and forgive those that have harmed me and open to self love and relinquish my tenacious grasp on my heart. I really want that. If I can do that, why, I can write a book.

Journey Around The Circle Of Life

2009-03-28T14:58:00.000-07:00

The journey around the Circle of Life:

On the Circle of Life we gather information, transform it into knowledge,
create beauty and give it away.

We have been blessed with an enormous surge of information over
the past many years. A lot of information. The information spans
all aspects of life: science, health care, healing, earth and
space technology, relationships, and ecology.

Many of us are overwhelmed by all the information and we seem to
get stuck there.The gathering of information is important on
the Circle of Life.
However, it is our life experience that allows us, supports us
and enables us to transform the information into knowledge.

In my opinion it is the critical next step on our journey because
from knowledge we create beauty. We create beauty from the
gut feelings we have, the intuition, our insights, dreams,
goals and desires. We create beauty in our work, in our families
and all of our relationships. We create beauty when we feel grateful,
generous, imaginative, and vulnerable. We engage possibility
when we are surrounded by beauty and we open to the health
and healing that is naturally a part of it.

Now is a perfect time to join together on the Circle of Life
to heal the beauty in, around and between us.
It is a perfect time to remember to learn and to develop wisdom
from our life’s experience. The moment we create beauty we are
free to release it, to give it away, to the world as self expression,
as love, as joy, as generosity, and it is in giving that we receive.

Rainbows Say It All

2009-03-23T11:49:00.000-07:00

I was traveling along a remote country road and was stopped in my tracks when a full, horizon-to-horizon rainbow bloomed across the sky.This is what bloomed in my mind as a reflection of this wondrous vision and I wrote:
May the rainbow bless us today with the full spectrum of possibility:
May we be blessed with forgiveness and the inherent release of forgiveness.
May we be blessed with the relaxation inherent in release.
May we be blessed with the release inherent in ease.
May we be blessed with the ease inherent in self love.
May we be blessed with the love inherent in awe.
May we be blessed with awe when we witness the mystery of life
May we be blessed with the mystsery inherent in possibility.
May we be blessed with the full spectrum of the Rainbow.

Remember The Fire?

2009-03-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

In the summer of 2002 there was a wild fire near our home that burned thousands of acres for 37 days and forced evacuation of 2300 homes. The experience of that fire is seared into my body mind and spirit. When I close my eyes I can still see the flames and smell the smoke. Large is one memory in particular. In every circle, it seemed, people were having the conversation about what we would escape with if we were the ones being emergently evacuated. What was most precious? What could we carry? What could we leave behind? What loss would devistate us? What was not that important afterall?. What about the horses, and other animals we live with? Where do they go? Where would we live if not in our "homes"? Those were deeply soul searching conversations full of insight surprise and delight. They were freeing conversations when we really felt what was important. We discovered what and who we truly loved.
I am reminded of those conversations as I live with the economic wildfire we are experiencing now. It touches me body mind and spirt. What is most important to me? What do I truly love? What can I live without? What is most precious to me? When I keep my mind on those things I feel free.

It's Time To Listen With Your Heart

2009-03-11T08:20:00.000-07:00

I can hear it now: “What? Listen with your heart?”… “That’s easy for YOU to say”…”What does she mean by THAT?” I am listening…these are great questions.

Since I am truly a life coach let’s explore the possible answers with more questions.
Have you ever paraphrased what someone has said and gotten it all wrong?
Or have you been certain you are quoting someone word for word only to find out you missed the most important word? Have you ever felt misunderstood, utterly unheard or ignored? How about this one; have you ever received a gift from a companion or friend that turned out to be the very thing you told him or her you DID NOT WANT? Have you ever forgotten important directions, dates or other information?
Have you ever had a twinge of pain somewhere in your thoughts or emotions that you ignored? And it didn’t go away rather it turned into a bigger pain lodged somewhere in your body? Have you ever pretended you could eat chocolate “this time” and not get a headache? Have you ever been mindlessly brushing your teeth too hard and whack yourself in the gums? I am sure there are fascinating psychological and neurological explanations for why this happens to many of us in one way or another. Perhaps the simple answer is that these communications were only heard rather than deeply listened to from the heart.
My Grandmother told me a long time ago that listening and hearing are different. She even scolded me once because I forgot something important about life. I forgot, she said, because I failed to listen with my heart. I am beginning to understand what she was trying to teach me. We hear with our ears and listen with our hearts. We hear sounds of nature, voices, and music, traffic and ring tones. We listen to creativity, vulnerability, harmony, possibility, love and intuition with our hearts. Listening from a place of stillness is a key to truly listening. When we listen for the unspoken message beneath the words, the potential for healing, the expression of love, the possibility for forgiveness, the humor, and the tension or pain within us we are connected to our vulnerability and our willingness to be alive in the present moment.
Listening with our hearts takes a willingness to create space, be receptive and connect because when we listen with our hearts connection is inevitable. Listening in this way is done with focus, intention and practice.

How do we focus?
Meditation or contemplation is a practice as ancient as life itself. When we meditate or contemplate regularly we learn to quiet the mind, calm the emotions and relax the body. In a sense we clarify our attention by allowing unwanted or unimportant thoughts to fall away from our inner vision, thus allowing us to focus on what is wanted and is important to us. We create space within ourselves to listen. We prepare our minds and our bodies to deeply connect. We can practice this mindfulness as we sit quietly, walk, and do housework.

How do we set intention?
Intentions are centered in the present moment when we recognize what we value and when we decide how we want to bring that into our lives. When we value connection and set an intention to listen with our hearts, we open ourselves to possibility, creativity and compassion. Setting Intention is a way to create a space for inspiration, support and empowerment.

How do we practice?
This is the fun part. We get to play a spiritual game of Telephone!
We practice by waking up each day and heading into our lives full tilt. Sometimes this calls for courage and that’s ok. Begin listening from the quiet, calm and relaxed place within. Begin listening to nature, music, a person, or your thoughts. When you listen ask yourself: When I listen with my mind what do I hear? When I listen with my heart what do I hear?
Where do I feel it in my body?
What makes me smile? Fearful?
How connected to this person, place, thought or Love do I feel?
Where is love expressing itself here?
How do I want to live in this moment?
What am I curious about?
What am I grateful for in this moment?
Consider writing your insights and gratitude in a journal. Share some with a close friend. If nothing emerges, practice some more later. Always remember, it is your choice.

Now what?
Recently I read about an interview with the physicist who is credited with discovering the subatomic particle called a quark, Murray Gell-Mann. He said something like (I am not quoting on purpose) discovering the quark was relatively easy, what to do with the discovery was the mystery. Learning to listen with your heart will be relatively easy. Becoming comfortable with deepening your connection to all of life may be a challenge. It is a challenge for many of us as we progress into the technology and reality of the 21st century. This is where we also get to practice compassion, asking for help and being available and vulnerable to those we care about. It is about connection really. Connection and love. A wise man once told me that the secret to a life well lived is Love.
I encourage you to listen with your heart to his words. Go now and listen for the love. May you enjoy a life well lived.

The true spirit of my work invites women of all ages
to The Circle of Life and into the power of Gentle Medicine.
Here they will experience the love, gratitude and relaxed personal power
that comes from gently accepting their humanity, realizing that all is as it is
simply because we choose to be alive.
By allowing the calmness that ensues to penetrate their resistance and fear they will open to the healing inherent in the mystery of life. Love will prevail.

To learn more contact Martha at www.CircleofLifeCoach.com

The Metro Man

2009-03-01T16:48:00.000-08:00

I was fortunate to be able to spend 2 days in Washington, DC recently with my daughter, my sister and her daughter. Anyone who has been there understands when I say it is challenging to capture all the stories about a trip to "DC"...and there were many after only 2 days. The extremes of any city can be overwhelming. Washington, DC was no exception.
We saw foreign dignitary's homes, The White House, the Capital building, servants, maids, street people, and young snappy professionals hurrying somewhere obviously important. We heard languages spoken I couldn't begin to guess where the people speaking them came from, and tourists from everywhere and anywhere. We witnessed a young man propose to his sweetheart at the Lincoln Memorial on Valentine's day. We saw banners joyfully proclaiming an electoral victory and protesters protesting silently yet sincerely. Their issues expressed a myriad of opinions.
We had men in uniform hold doors for us and women on the go ignore us. We ate seafood every chance we got . We even went to the familiar bookstore on the corner, just to be somewhere familiar. We danced to the hip-hop music being played in the huge municipal truck parked at the corner after hours as men repaired the street nearby (well, I did the dancing and embarrassed my daughter "into next week").
But, listen to me now, there was the metro man...allow me to try to tell you about the metro man. He was old and disheveled. He was dirty and bent over. He was there with us underneath the fabulous Union train station. The train station the presidents of the United States used to arrive in "the city" long before they started using Air Force One. No one else was there besides me, my daughter, my niece, my sister and the metro man. The metro is the city's subway system. There is a bank of automated ticketing machines theoretically self explanatory. To us a confusion of right choices and wrong choices. We felt stupid and vulnerable as we waved our money around the underground metro station looking for the right choice. My sister and I spread out in front of the ticketing machines as if that would better our chances of figuring it out. The two girls were in between us. My sister and I were like crows with one eye on a machine and one eye on our daughters. (Moms are like that). The dirty, bent over metro man started walking towards the girls and my sister and I closed in. "Can I help you?" he asked in a quiet voice. "Ummmm... yes please" one of us said. "You do it like this". He showed us how to insert the dollar bills and a ticket popped out of the wall. I gave him $2 for a ticket that cost $1.65 and said "Thank you, Sir". Dirty and bent over,he taught us all that we don't always need to be afraid of strangers. Don't get me wrong, this old man was strange. But he wasn't bad or mean or hurtful. He was kind and respectful. He was helpful and trusted us to be kind in return. And yes, he also got a return on his investment. That was ok with me. May your good will also return to you in a way you can receive.

Why Coaching? Why Now?

2009-02-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

Why Coaching?
I don’t need to remind anyone who is remotely engaged with today’s current world events that we live in a turbulent time in our history. For many of us these are times of crisis, loss, grief, fear and stress beyond imagination. For others, it is just more of the same: hunger, poverty, illness, lack. And still others, pride, hope, creativity, possibility.
How can a person make sense of the rapid changes affecting us all; negative and positive? Where do we go for help and support?

I have recently been told that somewhere around 70,000 people search “life coaching” every day. I imagine that this number changes with the challenges people face;
and by the way, these challenges change every day as well.
The challenges we face today are unprecedented in recent history.

Life coaching is a collaborative relationship in which the client develops a personal or professional intention with the support of the coach. Together they determine steps to support that intention with goals and action steps focused on that intention. This strategy has proven powerfully effective in facilitating positive change and transition in a person’s life. The style of coaching we offer at Circle of Life Coaching is:

¨ Simple: We gather and distill all the information that comes to us down to what we love, value and what brings us joy
¨ Intentional: We transform that information into knowledge by committing to meaningful and purposeful life choices and experiences
¨ Focused: We create beauty when we focus on finding the places where emotional fear may be blocking our ability to act on our dreams for physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and environmental wellbeing.
¨ Generous: We release or give away the beauty we create with what we learn, what we experience and choose as our values and share ourselves in relationship to others and our world.

With a Circle of Life coach we gain insight, gather tools and learn skills to continue our journey around the Circle of Life with beauty, dignity and grace.

Why now?
Because we are not only teetering on economic depression, (setback, readjustment, repurposing, call it whatever you like), we now seem to have social, environmental, spiritual, and health, challenges the earth’s people have never faced.
We are “peaking out” on resources, patience, reasons to fight, purity, kindness, good grammar, neat handwriting and graciousness. Too many of our children are wayward; too many of our elders are sad and defensive. There is too much abuse, too much neglect, too much fear and not enough calm. Too many of our marriages are unsound; too many of our rhythms interrupted; too many of our seasons and cycles are rushed. Too many of our neighbors are unknown to us; too much of our food is grown too far away. Too many cultural and spiritual practices are obscure or extinct. There are too many droughts, too much rain, not enough jobs and too many drop outs. We live with too many extremes and feel disconnected too often.

This is our life right now. It is our crisis, if you choose to see it that way. It is also our opportunity if you choose to see it that way. This is our opportunity to center ourselves on the circle of life; to be peaceful, kind, creative, resourceful and willing to be in relationship with our earth and our universe rather than at odds.

To risk making too broad a generalization, it seems to me that everywhere I turn someone else is being called to change the way they thought life should be. We are all being called to ask for help, dust off our dreams, help someone else, and see with new eyes. We are asked to be bold, brave and beautiful. We are asked to recommit to love, kindness, honesty and peace. It is time to make a choice: ask your self, “Will I choose to see crisis or opportunity?” Either way you choose the stream of life flows towards healing making healing always possible. It is time to heal; ourselves, our families, our communities. It is time to heal the beauty between us.

What is one way you can reconnect to your dream right now?
Because now is the time. It really is that simple.

To learn more about how you can begin coaching one on one with Martha or in a group with others with Martha’s support visit our web sites at
http://www.circleoflifecoach.com/
and
www.MyLifeCompass.com/Martha
Please share this article with others. If you want to learn more subscribe to The Pasternack letter on my Circle of Life Coach web site.
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Just Remember: Drops Happen!

2008-12-13T10:13:00.000-08:00

We are definitely well into the Christmas Season, Hanukkah, the Winter Solstice. The darkest days of the year are upon us. On the Circle of Life this is the time when we give away the beauty we have created. We release our expectations of what life SHOULD be doing and relax into what is truly happening in the present moment. We decide how we want to express ourselves. The choice is one we make for ourselves. We are empowered or dis-empowered by that choice.
If you ever think that you cannot handle all the demands of your life..that there is too much to juggle....that you are dropping the ball too much...that life seems to be dropping you...consider shifting your attitude.
"Drops Happen " is my motto, thanks to my juggling instructor, Erin Stephens, World Class competitive juggler. The jugglers in this video are kids that are my friends and neighbors. These young ones are practicing the FINESSE of risking the possibility that they may drop the ball. And they are having fun doing it. Watch this!
Merry Christmas. May all your Christmas dreams come true.

Can you Love even this?

2008-10-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

When our son was born my friend, an experienced mom already, said something I have never forgotten. She said "Martha, children need us to love them when they are struggling, not just when they are doing well. That's when they need us the most, when they are not doing so great".
Given the apparent derailing of some of our collective American dreams right now: financial, environmental, health care, family stability, job and educational opportunities...can you love even this? It is time to love right now. More than maybe ever before in your lifetime. It is time, precicous time, to heal the beauty between us. Please join me in this thought.

Unconditional...

2008-10-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

Many years ago...20 ish...I was at a dinner party and the conversation easily was led to a discussion about unconditional love. I was stunned. I had never had that expereince before. It seemed that was a topic for private conversations. At the same time I enjoyed myself fully. It was empowering and liberating to take unconditional love out of the "closet". Since then, I have been curious about what life would be like if we engaged in our relationships of all kinds and lived in unconditional integrity. Unconditional self acceptance. Unconditional joy, peace, etc. I've been pondering and practicing this for a long time. What are your thoughts?

Reminder from the water of life

2008-10-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

I live in southwest Colorado. It is considered a semi desert here. We are blessed with irrigation water for our gardens and have had plenty all summer this year. When the temperatures go below freezing at night (which they have started to do now) our irrigation water is turned off and we let our gardens dry. This year that day came in the midst of political and financial "unrest". Many people expressed un-ease and a feeling of instability and insecurity.
As if to tell us all that everything will be ok, it rained all that day. Even when the security of the irrigation water was removed, the Earth Mother took over and gave us all a big quenching drink of water. The water of life.

Breaking the gratitude code

2008-10-08T09:23:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched the 2008 Democratic and Republican Presidential candidates debate.

There is much I could say about my experience of the debate. I choose to keep most of that quiet right now. What I want to share is the overwhelming sense of gratitude I felt for the way John McCain showed me his true colors. To me he seemed arrogant, condescending, and petty. He appeared to be manipulating peoples emotions and fained sincerity. He appeared, as his running mate does, very un presidential. John McCain may be a great senator. Sarah Palin may be a terrific Governor. I am grateful because I saw and heard for myself that neither one of them connect with my values or my criteria for whom I want representing me as an American citizen at this moment in history. We have undeniable challenges facing us. We also have an uncomprehensible opportunity to create beauty and facilitate peace for ourselves and each other.
I am grateful to Senator Mc Cain because last night I became certain and centered in my decision to vote for Barack Obama. Senator Obama was able to communicate to me where he stands as my president. Senator Obama was elegant, informed, gracious and centered in his beliefs. He was in a word, presidential. I trust Barack Obama. As president he will be the best person to lead us through this challenging time. Thank you, Senator McCain.

Do Butterflies Have Ears?

2008-10-02T07:31:00.000-07:00

Do butterflies have ears? I'm just curious.
Curiosity is one of the coach's greatest skills. In fact , I value curiosity as I engage with all life. When I open my heart to my client and invite curiosity into our session, I step into a magical space of possibility with my client. When we are curious we are more free from pre-conceived notions of how life "should" be. When we are curious we are open to surprise, delight and yes, we put ourselves at risk of not being in control. We surrender to trust, love and personal power. What are you curious about? Go out into your life today and be curious. See what lessons and insights are awaiting your discovery.

Stop and Calm Your Thoughts

2008-10-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

Stop for a moment and calm your thoughts.
Let go of your anxieties and look around you.
What do you see?
You see a world filled with beauty.
You see a world filled with possibilities.
You see dreams being born, being nurtured and being fulfilled.
Yes, there are challenges. Yes, there is sorrow. Yes, there is hatred
and yes, violence.
But more than these is love, there is goodness, there is joy.
And that means there is no limit to how beautiful and how joyful you can
make it.
Yet, what you have is right now.
And right now is completely as it should be.
It is your time to live.
Think of what a precious thing your life is and how truly blessed you are to experience it.
Right now.
Right now any anxiety you may have about the future is an illusion.
Let it go.
Let it fade away as the beauty and perfection of right now wash over you.
The best thing you can do for the future is to live with everything you have.
In the present.
Right now, you are in a position to create real and lasting positive value for the world in which you live.
How do you do that?
By following your heart. By being the you that is really you.
You may have wandered away from your self. Now is the time to come home.
You know in your heart that you are here for a reason.
The pain you feel is that purpose, that reason for being constantly aching to break free.
When it does you will be more alive than you ever could have imagined.
Breathe in the beauty around you.
The beauty and richness of being alive is your gift.
It is your fortune.
It is your blessing.
And it is yours to live, to experience, to fulfill.
Right now.